SON OF THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF HALLOWEEN! DAY 4: "DARK KNIGHT'S TWO FACE IS FRANKENSTEIN!"

I pride myself on being up to speed on the latest in sci-fi, superhero, action, and horror film news; yet somehow, I completely missed this one.

Aaron Eckhart, perhaps best known for his roles in "Thank You For Smoking" and "The Dark Knight," is going to play Dr. Frankenstein's creation in a horror-action film entitled "I, Frankenstin." The film is due in Jaunary 2014, and features Frankenstein's "monster," sporting his less monstrous appearance from the novel (as well as his name, Adam) fighting gargoyles and demons.

As a fan of the character of Frankenstein's monster, especially in stories that feature him in the present day, I'm excited by the look and feel of this film. Aaron Eckhart is a great actor and the special effects look superb.

The only thing I don't understand is this: why isn't this film being released before Halloween? Check out the trailer below:

SON OF THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF HALLOWEEN! DAY 3: "THE BATMAN VS. DRACULA"

With October here, it's that time for Halloween-themed TV shows and films. Horror movies will get more playtime than usual, even the classic black and white gems or so-bad-they're-awesome horror flicks of the full color generation. Children's programs will follow suit as well, though one animated film from a few years back will not likely see the light of your TV set: the animated feature-length film "The Batman vs. Dracula."

"The Batman vs. Dracula" was a spin-off of the animated series "The Batman," which debuted in 2004. The series did fairly well in the ratings, leading Warner Brothers Animation to release "The Batman vs. Dracula" on October 18th, 2005., capitalizing on the Halloween season and the home video release of the well-received "Batman Begins" on the same date.

The film is the first time outside of comic books that Batman faces that other guy with the cape and an association with bats, the Lord of the Undead himself, Dracula. The film uses the same fluid and dynamic animation style seen in the TV series its based on, though the film's tone is darker and the horror-level greater than what would be normally seen on television.

"The Batman vs. Dracula" is a great film to enjoy with the family during this Halloween season. It's not too scary or violent, features classic Batman villains Joker and Penguin, and of course, a new foe in the form of Dracula. Drac is pretty scary in the film and pushes The Batman to use his intellect to defeat him.




You can stream "The Batman vs. Dracula" on Amazon Instant Video, Netflix DVD, and Warner On Demand through YouTube. You can also buy a copy of the DVD on WalMart.comhttp://www.walmart.com/ip/4098489 and Amazon, though finding a copy in stores will be difficult right now. It's dirt cheap on Amazon and well worth the few bucks you'll pay to watch it. If you or someone in the family is a fan of Batman, superheroes, or animation, you'll enjoy the flick.

SON OF THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF HALLOWEEN! DAY 2: REAL POLTERGEIST?

I've watched this video (and the others uploaded by the same user) a number of times. "Mellowb1rd" frequently uses a Ouija board and seances and then records these experiences in his home. I completely believe in evil entities and that they can be summoned, but is this real? I could see some of it being faked, but what happens to the chair at the very end is what convinces me this is very real and very dangerous. How exactly would a person fake that?!

Watch and decide for yourself. (Click here if the video below doesn't work)

THE SON OF THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF HALLOWEEN! DAY 1: MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCES!

Years ago, I wrote a blog post a day during October, each dedicated to a topic that fit the tone of the Halloween season. That first "Thirty-One Days Of Halloween!" has been lost to the Internet ether, but like every classic horror movie monster, its spawn lives on! Over the next thirty-one days, I'll be your tour guide through lands of shadow and mystery, horror and terror, both real and fictional, and environs in between.

Today, I begin with a recent discovery I made while listening to the often spooky and always fascinating Coast To Coast AM. Monday morning, I tuned in an in-progress interview with David Paulides, a former law enforcement agent who has researched and investigated the Bigfoot phenomenon extensively. That research led Paulides to a far more disturbing discovery: a large number of unexplained missing persons' cases, stretching back over a century both in the US and across the globe. The persons missing are often children, and in most cases they are never seen again, nor any evidence that they had ever been in the last place they were seen. Other cases involve the finding of a body, though all cases involve a dog in the presence of the person who goes missing and the context of a national park or forest.

Paulides has written three books on these disappearances, which can be found on his website. He continues to work with other retired law enforcement officials, former park rangers, and search and rescue personnel in researching cases new and old, as well as informing the public about these incidents and the commonalities among them.

As a sort of "primer" on these cases, watch this short (under six minutes) news report on Paulides and his work:

Missing In Parks: David Paulides

Below are links to various audio episodes of Coast To Coast AM featuring Paulides as a guest. These are riveting interviews with chilling details about these unsolved missing persons cases.

This past Monday's episode:

Another episode from March of 2013:

The Shadow of the Bat falls upon...Kaplan!

As most people know, I am a diehard and lifelong fan of comic books, especially those published by DC Comics. My two favorite superheroes are The Batman and Superman. My love for them is usually just about equal, but it was the first Batman movie back in 1989 that made me a full-fledged, regular devourer of comic books, especially those starring The Batman himself. It was through those comics that I began to read the adventures of other characters like Superman, The Flash, and Green Lantern. I always had a special place in my heart as a kid for Superman and Batman, and though my memory is hazy, I feel confident that the first comic book (from my brother's collection) that I ever saw/read was Batman #352.



A few years ago, I discovered a site run and populated by fellow Batman fans who took their love of the character to the next level: The Brotherhood of the Bat. I joined up as a member so that I could see the costumes these guys (and girls) created with their own hands. These aren't cheap Halloween costumes, these are movie-quality (and in a lot of cases, superior to movie quality) costumes that cost lots of money and hard work and dedication to make.

Batman costumes and cowls by the super-talented Shawn Reeves

It would just be a neat thing if these folks made really cool costumes and wore them to comic book conventions, and some of them do only that. There are others, though, who become The Batman, or Robin, or Catwoman, or Nightwing, or the Joker, for the entertainment and delight of children. These men and women suit up and bring joy and wonder to children in need, whether they're sick, underprivileged, or even just for their birthdays.

I dreamed of doing this myself, but couldn't afford the expensive costumes. I purchased a Batman cowl and then put together a costume passable for Halloween. I enjoyed the experience of becoming The Dark Knight, especially seeing the looks on the faces of little kids who had never seen a six-foot Batman, even on Halloween.

I wanted to do more, however, but put aside the desire to focus on other priorities, like job changes and family. Then a longtime friend of mine, Alexa Marceaux, asked me if I or anyone I knew had a Batman costume. One of her friend's sons, Grant,  was having a birthday party and they were hoping for Batman to make an appearance. I was thrilled to accept the offer to appear for Grant's birthday, all the while hoping my costume would hold up to the scrutiny of children, which can be quite unforgiving.


I "armored" up and made the drive to Kaplan in everything but my cowl. Alexa had presents for Grant wrapped in black paper with yellow ribbon, which looked awesome. I walked over from an adjacent lot where I parked the "BatMeauxbile" and entered, asking for Grant. He was speechless, and soon the other kids at the party gathered around to watch Grant open his presents. One boy told me he wished I could have gone to his birthday, that it was in June, and that he lived two doors over. I told him I'd be sure to make it next year. Another boy asked me how I got to there, and I told him I parked the Batmobile a few blocks over. We posed for the picture below and then Grant gave me a hug. My friend, who has serious connections, had the mayor of Kaplan arrive to tell me that the Joker had broken out of prison! I told everyone I had to go and exited the scene.

I had a great time, partially because I've always loved wearing costumes, but primarily because I got to make a child's birthday a little more special. My goal is to acquire a better costume and continue offering my services, free of charge, to anyone who would like The Batman to visit a child or children in need.

The Real People of Wal-Mart

I'm tired, so this will be a short post. For those who don't know, I'm working two jobs right now. My "night job" is as a fill-in on air personality for 99.9 KTDY, which I do when one of the KTDY stars are out and need a "sub."

My "day" job is working as a merchandiser for Advantage Sales and Marketing, who services a number of companies, including SC Johnson ("A Family Company"). I work with SC Johnson products like Glade, Windex, and Ziploc. My merchandiser job takes me to all the Albertson's in Lafayette, the one in Broussard, and the one in Alexandria. The rest of the stores are, of course, Wal Marts, including the ones here in the Hub City and even all the way to distant Oakdale.

I worked as a merchandiser for Archway Cookies back at the turn of the new century, so this gig wasn't a completely unfamiliar experience. But that was roughly a decade ago, and what has changed is the advent of social media.

In that time, it's become a meme and a trend to photograph and mock people who shop at Wal Mart. We all know the site, which I won't plug here. It also seems that the employees of Wal Mart get bashed as well, as I've read dozens of diatribes and rants about Wal Mart employees.

A big part of what I do as a merchandiser involves doing the work these folks do, specifically, stocking. It's not easy, it's thankless, and it's what they're constantly required to do when they aren't helping a customer or making trips to the back room to get more product to put on the shelves. These folks are also victims of Obamacare and thus, their hours have been cut and they've lost benefits. This means less money for the same hard work, even if it's for fewer hours, and in the case of many folks, the necessity of a second job to make ends meet.

My point is this: the next time you're at Wal Mart and you see something on the floor, consider picking it up. That simple act will make someone's hard day a little easier. When you're standing in that check-out line, fit to be tied because there's only a few lanes open, remember that Wal Mart is having trouble keeping employees just like a lot of places are. Remember too that the people behind those counters are tired, overworked, and stressed, just like you and I are. They have families they want to support and would rather be with them than working a thankless job. Try to find the strength to be patient and kind and know that the cashiers aren't the ones who are to blame for the lack of other cashiers.

Also, realize that when a Wal Mart is clean and the shelves look stocked and appealing, that work was very likely done by an overnight crew who, I've learned, sometimes have to come right back a few hours later and work another shift.

Above all, please remember that each person you encounter brings with them the invisible baggage of their last five minutes, five hours, five days, five years, and more. And with only two hands to carry all that baggage, everyone needs a hand now and then.

A Soaring Spirit

After the abrupt end of my 9-year teaching career in April of 2012, I was plagued with a great deal of uncertainty as to what I wanted to do. I'd known for a while that I wanted to give radio a second shot after a dismal first attempt back in high school (the full story is a post for another day).

After trying to get a gig at then Regent Broadcasting for a number of years while also teaching, I'd given up. While doing a long-term sub at my alma mater, Vermilion Catholic, my wife and I decided I needed to attend a job fair. Long story short, I met two great ladies there and was able, finally, to get my foot in the door at Townsquare Media, home to KTDY, KPEL, the Dawg, and others.

I was impressed by all of the people I met, each a local celebrity whose voices were so familiar yet somewhat surprising emanating from faces I'd never seen. CJ, Debbie Ray, Steve Wiley, Bruce Mikels, Jude Walker, Bernadette Lee, Ken Romero, Brandon Comeaux, Nathan Pike, Stephanie Crist, and the guy who made me laugh out loud just about daily in college, Michael Scott, formerly "Tard" of Planet Radio.

And then there was John Falcon, a.k.a. Jaycee, who you definitely know if you listen to KTDY after 3 PM. I knew of Jaycee from the times I occasionally tuned in to KTDY in the afternoons, but I usually had the radio on KPEL for news after school.

Jaycee was the guy who got the probably not-so-enviable task of training this ginger newbie. I was intimidated by meeting the aforementioned people and just by being in the control rooms of the various stations, but Jaycee, a fellow Abbevillian, put me at ease instantly. John is easily one of the funniest, friendliest, kindest, and most generous people I've ever met. He gives without a second thought, is genuinely interested in and concerned about people, and is passionate about his work and helping others. He is also a remarkable educator in his own right, a fact I don't think he realizes but one that is nonetheless true. He allayed my numerous fears of being behind the mic and the board and gave me a foundation in broadcasting knowledge that has given me a confidence I wouldn't have imagined possible in the short amount of time I've been filling in at KTDY.


As I mentioned, John is passionate about helping people, especially those who have special needs. For the last eight years, he has been the heart, mind, and soul of The Jeep Jaunt, an annual event he created that benefits The American Lung Association. The Jaunt is his baby and has personal meaning to him; John lost his mother to asthma and wants to do all he can to lessen and hopefully one day end the suffering he watched his mother experience.



It's fitting John's last name is "falcon." When it comes to giving of his time, talent, and treasure to help others, his is a soaring spirit. John has been named Louisiana's Volunteer of the Year by The American Lung Association. Click here to read what the ALA wrote about John in the "Volunteer Vision" portion of their website, and click here to learn more about The Jeep Jaunt and The Jeep Jaunt Jam, which launches the registration for the 2013 Jeep Jaunt.

"The Wolverine"

I'm not going to write an in-depth movie review as in days past. Just a few thoughts about the "source material" of "The Wolverine" and a Sergio Leone review.

"The Wolverine" is allegedly based on the character's very first solo mini-series from back in 1982. Wolverine had become so popular in the pages of "The Uncanny X-Men" that he was given a six-issue miniseries by writer Chris Claremont and artist Frank Miller. If you're not a comic book fan, those names won't mean anything to you. That's fine, because after you read the story, you'll want to seek out their other work.



The mini-series sees Wolverine head to Japan for a cinematic and powerful adventure that explores his humanity and defines him as an honorable yet conflicted man, unsure of his mysterious past and at war with his bestial self, but possessed of a heroic nobility and honor. Do yourself a favor and get a print or digital copy of Wolverine, but only read it after you see "The Wolverine."

Why, you ask? Read on and you'll see.

The Good:

Hugh Jackman, though really too tall and too good-looking for the role, continues to embody Logan/Wolverine. He is the best thing about this film, which is how it should be. I believe Jackman is a great actor, so I hope that the next Wolverine film will give him a script he can really sink his claws into. He's fantastic in the action scenes and in the quiet moments.

The action, when it's happening, is exciting and fast-paced. There are a few scenes that offer something new in the realm of superhero action, which is refreshing.

The women are HOT. Yep, I know I'm married. My wife's okay with me writing this, as she think Jackman is hot. Whether it's the evil Viper, Wolverine's new love Mariko, his new friend Yukio, or old flame Jean Grey (Famke!!!), the women of "The Wolverine" are beautiful.

The story, while not up to par with the original Wolverine mini-series, is engaging and keeps your interest throughout.

The post-credit sequence is surprising and extremely well-done. It sets up the future of Wolverine's character in the films and the next X-Men film, due in theaters next summer.

The Bad:

The action is good, but it's far too intermittent and at times, it's got a serious case of shaky-cam, especially during some fight scenes.

I wanted more Wolverine action, i.e., slicing up the bad guys. In the same vein, I wanted to see a certain set-piece from the mini-series, in which Wolverine climbs the facade of a fortress-like building to get to save Mariko, taking out thugs and ninjas on the way up. The building is in the film...but no such sequence occurs. It's a shame, because how Wolverine gets inside in the film is pretty dull.

Though she is beautiful, the actress who plays the Viper overdoes almost every time she's onscreen. Her character is also poorly written and her powers are not well-defined or portrayed.

The Ugly:

Something happens to Wolverine (I don't want to spoil it!) that I found completely stupid and unnecessary. I imagine it will be undone in a future film, but it serves zero purpose and is just done for the sake of "being edgy," kind of like having Superman kill Zod in Man of Steel.

One thing that I didn't mind happening to Wolverine in this film gets telegraphed a little too clearly. I was glad it was undone, because it kept Wolverine from being able to "cut loose," but the way it happened was far too convenient and not really explained all that well.

This will seem a strange one, but hear me out. Every Wolverine film should be R-rated. If you know anything about the character from the comics, you know his stories are heavy on blood and violence. He's got unbreakable (most of the time!) claws in his hands...blood has to be spilled and is spilled often. That's part of the character's experience. Yet we get another PG-13 Wolverine movie, and while it is more violent than X-Men Origins: Wolverine, it still fails to deliver the goods.

Finally, there's a plot point that carries over from X-Men: The Last Stand that is far too integral to this film's plot. You will roll your eyes after the second time it comes into play in the film. It also sabotages something that's supposed to happen with Wolverine's new love interest, Mariko. It's one of the many reasons I had hoped this film would be set prior to the events of the X-Men films.

Overall: I give The Wolverine a B. It's worth seeing and worth seeing in theaters. If you've never read the source material, you'll enjoy it for what it is. Wolverine is, in my opinion, the most interesting Marvel character aside from Captain America, and this movie does a good job of showing what makes him so fascinating and fun.

Return of the Blog Guy!

Hey kids, it's Meauxses.

Long ago, in a time shrouded in the swirling mists of time (2005), "blogging" was a strange new thing. The word "blog" itself sounded odd...what was it? A monster or automaton from an old 50s sci-fi film? A condition of the foot? A Scandinavian term of some sort?

Blogging quickly became a new means of expression and communication on the Interwebs, and I took part by creating this blog you're reading now, previously known as "Ramblings." I eventually added other blogs and then realized yeah, maybe I have too many. Something was lost.

I decided to come back to where it all started, to shake off the dust, give the whole shebang a new paint job and name, and continue from the perspective of now, a.k.a., six years later (my last Ramblings post was in 07).

I will be blogging daily about everything from reality TV to food to my views on matters like faith and morals to comic books to current events to everything in between. You may like what I write, you may hate it, you may be offended. Hopefully, what you won't be is bored.

Let me know what you think, Meauxses ("Moses" for those who don't know how to pronounce French names)

Christmas Comes On Cinco de Mayo: Free Comic Book Day 2007

Happy Sunday, Ramblings Readers!

May 5 wasn’t just an important day in Mexican history and an opportunity to go down a few margaritas (which I did), it was also the sixth annual Free Comic Book Day, an event which was inaugurated six years ago on Saturday, May 4^th, 2003. FCBD was created to tie in with the release of a little comic book movie that had debuted the day before: the first Spider-Man film. The basic purpose of FBCD is to get folks who have never read a comic book but who have just finished watching—and hopefully, enjoying—a comic book film adaptation to go to comic shops and pick up a free comic. While they’re there, they’ll hopefully see all the other wonderful titles that are available in the comics medium and decide to buy some.

I have gone to every FBCD with the exception of last year’s event, which I missed because it was my first year as the master of ceremonies for the annual talent show at school.

This year, I was yet again the MC, but made time to get down to my favorite comic shop, Acadiana Comics and Collectibles, to pick up some comics and see what was going on.

Those of you who aren’t comic book readers probably don’t realize that the industry itself is not doing as well as it has in previous years. The industry has always faced the same competition that non-graphic books face, like television, films, video games, the Internent, etc. The difference is, regular books will never go out of style and will always have a readership.

We can’t say the same about comic books. The medium is one that is extremely sophisticated in the hands of some creators and there is no other form of storytelling like comic books. Comic book legend Will Eisner called comic books “sequential art,” and that’s exactly what the medium is. Words and images merge together in carefully crafted sequences to create a story unlike anything in any other storytelling medium.

Yet comic books are still seen as children’s fodder. Hence the industry launched FBCD, and it has been somewhat successful in bringing in new readers.

In my opinion, however, if you’re going to bring in new customers, you have to be ready for them. You must make the comic book specialty shop a place that is welcoming, comfortable, friendly, and inviting.

I’ve been to a lot of comic book shops in my days and plan to go to many more. In the days before it cost fifty bucks to fill up my car, I’d drive to Baton Rouge, New Orleans, and Lake Charles to look for comic shops. When the family goes on vacation, I use my laptop to check The Master List, a website that lists every comic book shop in the U.S. and then go and visit as many shops as I can. I've even visited shops in Texas, California, and Washington, D.C.

So as I said, I’ve been to a lot of shops. And the one that I think “gets it” the most, the one shop I feel is doing everything it can to help the industry not just survive but also thrive, is Acadiana Comics and Collectibles. I’ve been going to this shop since eighth grade, if you can believe. When I had read all of my brother’s comics at least four thousand times, my mother decided that I was interested in a pretty decent hobby. It involved reading, after all, so what good parent and teacher would deny their child such a hobby? My mom took me to what was then Acadiana Book and Comic Shop, and I met Mrs. Teresa Moran the first time. I’ve been going there ever since, and the reason is not just the comics. Mrs. Teresa and her husband Jerry are two of the nicest folks you’ll ever meet. My mom had also taken me to two other shops at the time to look around, and not only was the selection weak, but the people who worked there didn’t seem all that knowledgeable or interested in being helpful when it came to the comics.

When you visit Mrs. Teresa and Mr. Jerry’s store, now named Acadiana Comic and Collectibles, the first thing you’re greeted with is a welcoming smile from whoever is behind the counter. You will be greeted with a hello and then encouraged to look around and also asked if there’s anything you can be helped with. And whether you’re a neophyte reader or you’re a seasoned comic veteran like myself, Mrs. Teresa or Mr. Jerry can answer all your questions. And what’s best, they’ll do it with friendliness.

And that’s the bottom-line for me. So what does all of this have to do with FCBD? Well, I went to AC&C yesterday for Free Comic Book Day, and was instantly greeted by Mr. Jerry as I walked in with a smile and words of welcome. There was also a gentleman named Mike (I think it’s Mike...I don’t think I’ve ever introduced myself) who was very friendly and who I’ve seen at the shop for years. He was helping out by directing folks not only to the free comics that were available, but also to the free merchandise that AC&C was giving away, like action figures, keychains, pins, and posters. I told Mr. Jerry that it felt less like Cinco de Mayo and more like Christmas, and snagged a very cool Spider-Man keychain (I was just thinking about buying a new one…how cool is that!) and my free comic book. I also browsed and snapped the shots you see below, and generally took in the atmosphere. It was like being in the living room of a friend or relative who also happens to have a bunch of extremely cool comic books and related stuff everywhere in sight.

Mike was helping this young lady and her daughter, who appeared to be taking their first steps into the brave new world of comic books. He was very cordial and helpful, and gave lots of great advice as to what would be age appropriate for the young girl. As a father myself, this is exactly what I want from a business: someone who will shoot me straight about what kind of product is good for my daughter. I was highly impressed with that and could overhear Mr. Jerry also having a similar conversation with other customers about comics.

That’s why I keep going back to AC&C and have for years. The honest truth is that I could get my comics elsewhere from various sources. But I’d miss out on the kindness and the warmth that come with the comics at Acadiana Book and Comics. People are put first there, coupled with an obvious love of the comic book genre.

This is how I think every shop should be operated. In my next entry, I'll discuss what I think are the two fatal flaws of comic specialty shops today, and offer suggestions as to how such flaws can be remedied. Until then, stay strong and do no wrong. And be sure to check out the pics I snapped whilst in Peter Parker mode yesterday!

Here you see Mike helping the lady I told you about and her daughter find age-appropriate reading. How awesome is that! It's a regular occurrence at AC&C. And you get a good look at Mr. Jerry's extremely extensive Star Wars collection...how I envy him!

Remember that "living room" atmosphere I mentioned? Here you can see it even better. There's even a few chairs and a very comfy couch, which I didn't get a shot of but have enjoyed reading in often. This is the section of the store that features the week's new comics. Many folks have asked me how often comics come out. Every Wednesday is for us fans "New Comic Day!"

Here we have Marvel's best free comic book for FCBD...Spider-Man: Swing Shift, an original Spidey story designed to be approachable to new readers interested in the comics after watching Spidey 3. Usually, companies put out reprints of past comics for Free Comic Book Day, but Marvel was one of the few to put out something original. It was a very good, entertaining Spidey adventure, and best of all...it was FREE! Now try beating THAT with a web shooter!

Here we have a few more FCBD selections. One of the titles featured there is a prequel comic to the big Transformers movie coming out this summer. I'll be doing a two-parter on the Transformers release, one talking about my interest in the toys and cartoon as a kid, along with a brief history of the property, and then my opening day review of the film.

Ramblings Spider-Man 3 Coverage: The Review

Well, here we go. As most if not all Spidey fans, I have waited with great anticipation for this film for the last three years.

The only place I can begin is by paraphrasing Scottish novelist Sir Walter Scott: “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to put too many villains in a superhero movie.”

This is my main gripe with Spider-Man 3, an entry in a film series that had a very high bar set by its predecessor, Spider-Man 2. SM-2 is damn near perfect, as is the first Spider-Man film. They both have their flaws from comic book fan and movie making standpoints, but they’re excellent films.

Spider-Man 3 doesn’t reach the bar set for it. It’s close, but it just doesn’t make it.

Is Spider-Man 3 a bad movie? A lot of reviewers out there who don’t know the comic source material will say yes. Most reviewers I’ve read/heard are blasting the fact that one key character gets amnesia in the film. They call this “clichéd” and “soap operatic.” What they don’t realize is that this character got amnesia in virtually the same way he does in Spider-Man 3. So if this a person’s criteria for saying this movie’s bad, they need to do their research.

I bring this up to make an important point before I offer my grade of the film: Spider-Man 3, like the films that led up to it, is one of the most faithful comic book adaptations ever made. The spirit of the characters in the Spider-Man mythos, along with many solid plot elements and characters, are taken straight from the pages of Spider-Man comics. The Superman films can’t claim this, the original Batman films can’t claim this, no other series of comic films can claim this.

But the Spidey films can, and they can continue to be lauded as such with the addition of Spider-Man 3.

But to answer that earlier question: is Spider-Man 3 a bad movie? By no means.

But it isn’t a great movie, like the first two films were, despite their flaws.

And that’s what’s most disappointing. SM-3 is just good. And I have to say that as a fan who’s waited for three years for this movie, I wanted more than just good.

On to my review.

The Good

What does work in Spider-Man 3 is everything we’ve come to expect to work from the last two movies. The characterization of the central characters is top notch, as always. These characters are for the most part the characters they are in the comics the movies get their life from.

There’s a moral struggle for Peter Parker, our hero. He’s struggling not just with colorful villains but also with himself. He runs up against the darker side of his human nature in this film and is, like most of us, disgusted by what he sees and tries to overcome it. He struggles for his own redemption and is a means to the redemption of a few other characters. The strong moral aspect of the character and the films thus far are retained here and expanded upon.

Like the previous two films, this film’s got everything a moviegoer could want: action, adventure, romance, drama, thrills, chills, and spills.

The casting is spot on. There are a few new additions to the core cast established in the first film and they blend in seamlessly and are a perfect fit for the characters they play.

Finally, the theme of “with great power comes great responsibility,” which is central to the entire Spider-Man mythos and which is really about who we choose to be and the power of our choices, is explored in depth in new ways that build on the themes in the first two films.

The Bad

Alright, the bad. Since there’s another level below bad, bad isn’t terrible or horrid. It’s just not good.

The number one bad element of the film is its clutter. There are just too many villains, a fact many fans (myself included) have feared since the villain lineup was announced last year. We all remember how the Batman films began to go downhill by adding more than one villain, and we all wondered if this would be the case with SM-3. Sadly, it is. I’ve already discussed the comic back stories of the three villains in a previous entry. If you read that entry, you’ll recall that two of those villains, Harry Osborn as Green Goblin II and Venom, had a lot of history to them. So to try and put those two guys together with yet ANOTHER villain while also juggling the thematic elements of the previous two films is just too much. Spider-Man 3 is a bloated movie because of the villains, and all of them are great characters, but not one gets enough time to develop and grow because there just isn’t time in one movie. In my opinion, the solution would have been to remove Sandman, as much as I love him as a character, and keep the focus on Harry’s feud with Peter and the birth of Venom. The movie would have been much tighter and had a greater emotional impact.

The other bad thing about Spider-Man 3 is that the film is rushed in general. Director Sam Raimi spoiled us with the last two films, which took time to develop and explore characters. Here, new characters are tossed in who are extremely significant in the comics mythos, yet get maybe two or three minutes overall to appear. Even worse is the fact that our main characters don’t really get all the time they should because there’s just too much going on in the film. This fundamental flaw of the film’s pacing and story leads to the final aspect of this review…

The Ugly

Here we go. The first ugly thing about SM-3 is that way back before this film went into post-production, the studio went to Sam Raimi and said, “Hey Sam, the fans really love Venom, you’ve got to use him.” Sam’s initial response was “go away,” because Sam hates the character of Venom and prefers the original 60s villains. But he caved to the folks who cut his very sizable checks. Thus, we have the introduction of a character whose appearance was well-paced in the comic books but who just can’t be given the best treatment in one film.

As a result, too many things have to happen to bring Venom to life later on in the film. Something’s gotta happen so that Spidey can get his black costume, he’s got to loose his black costume, someone else has to find the black costume so they can become Venom. That’s enough for one movie, but probably would have been better stretched out across two. But here we have this entire storyline shoved into a film that’s already got threads to tie up from two other fairly story-heavy films. Because of this, both character and story suffer and in my eyes, that’s just unforgivable.

The last ugly thing about Spider-Man 3 is tied to the other points already brought up: the use of what we call in literature the “Deus ex machina” or “the god from the machine.” This refers to a plot device that is used when a writer has written their characters into a corner and doesn’t know how to get them out. In Greek dramas, a person dressed as a god of myth would be lowered onstage and use their powers to get the characters out of the tight spot they were in.

We see this used in Spider-Man 3 at least twice and it’s downright sickening, because this is not the kind of thing Sam Raimi does. He’s a high-caliber filmmaker and creator, and his last two films had logic and reason as the basis for character development. You’ll know what I’m talking about when you see a very knowledgeable butler appear in the film with key knowledge he should’ve shared two movies ago and a TV newscast that is used to convey critical story points. The oldest rule of writing is “show, don’t tell,” and the scene in question breaks it.

There are also some downright cheesy, cringeworthy scenes in this film. Just stupid, poorly-acted, overwrought scenes, which thankfully come from extras in the film and not main characters. But they’re still awful and they succeed in taking you out of the film. The last two films were immersive experiences. You felt you were there with Peter Parker and his world in the last two films, but towards the end of SM-3, you feel a disconnect.

Final Grade

I have to give Spider-Man 3 a B+. I know that sounds like a generous grade given my negative comments, but the fact remains that this movie is a very good movie that could be great and that it continues the legacy of its predecessors as one of the most faithful comic book films of all time. And Spider-Man 3 is a fun and moving film that actually has substance and meaning, unlike a lot of the crap that fill theaters today. With a few changes, this would have been the epic film that the second movie raised the bar for.

So if you love Spider-Man and/or you loved the first two movies and want to enjoy a good movie that will move you and make you think, go see Spider-Man 3. It's a satisfying and worthy addition to the series. And like the last two films, it really does have everything you could want in a movie.

So as Stan Lee is famous for saying, both in the comics and in his cameo in Spider-Man 3, “Nuff said.”

Ramblings Spider-Man 3 Coverage Continues: The Villains of Spider-Man 3

Hello kids, and Happy Spider-Man 3 Day!

I went to an afternoon showing of the film earlier today with Ali and will be writing my review of the film shortly. I wanted to give myself some time to chew on the film, and I still have to help you, the non-comic reader, get prepped for seeing the film.

Spider-Man 3 breaks the convention of the last two films in that it features not one, but three villains. This news was released about a year or so ago, and was met with great hesitance by the comic book fan community. The reason is because we’re still very sore from the fiasco that was 1997’s “Batman and Robin,” a disaster that put a franchise in ICU and featured three villains.

Thankfully, I can attest that Spider-Man 3 is by no means anywhere in the neighborhood of suckitude that is Batman and Robin. But like that hated film, it does feature three baddies for our hero to battle. Just who are they and what should you know about them going in?

The first is a character whose roots stretch back to the beginning of the Spider-Man mythos. The Sandman debuted back in 1964’s Amazing Spider-Man #4. The Sandman was the third real “super-villain” Spidey faced, trailing after The Vulture and Doctor Octopus.

Sandman’s origin is simple in the comics: common thief Flink Marko is on the run from the law’s long arm when he wanders onto an atomic testing field. A bomb is detonated, and its radiation merges Marko’s body with nearby sand. Marko learns he can change his shape at will and uses his newfound abilities to continue his life of crime. Spidey intervenes, and actually gets a pretty bad pounding before using his wits to capture Sandman in an industrial shop vacuum (yeah, I know…but it was 1964). Ol’ Sandy would return again and again to plague Spidey, and even became a hero briefly before returning to crime.

The second villain of SM-3 isn’t really a villain at all as much as a tragic soul close to Peter Parker: his best friend, Harry Osborn, son of Norman Osborn, The Green Goblin.

You’ll recall that Norman’s Green Goblin was the main villain of the first Spider-Man film, and that he died at his own hand at the film’s end. The second film showcased Harry’s degenerating friendship with Peter and his eventual discovery that Norman was the Goblin, by way of a secret stash of weapons and gear.

In the comics, Peter first met Harry when they both started college. Peter and Harry became quick friends, along with Mary Jane. Peter was shocked to learn that Harry’s father Norman was Spider-Man’s deadly foe, the Green Goblin, who also discovered that Peter was Spider-Man. Norman and Peter’s conflict came to a head when Norman tossed Peter’s first true love, Gwen Stacy, off a bridge. Peter used his web in an attempt to save Gwen, but the force of the fall snapped her neck. Enraged, Peter viciously fought Norman, and during the course of the fight, Norman tried to impale Peter with his glider, but ended up killing himself in the process. If this sounds familiar, it’s because much of this storyline was adapted with some changes for the first Spider-Man film.

The stress of dealing with his father’s erratic behavior and lack of approval led Harry to become a drug addict. Harry secretly witnessed the Goblin’s death and hid any evidence that Norman was the villain. Eventually, Harry discovered that Peter was in fact Spider-Man, and decided to become The Green Goblin and enact revenge. Through the course of various events, Harry suffers a concussion and loses his memory that Peter is Spider-Man. However, Harry’s long-suffering mind eventually buckles under the stress, and the taunting of his father’s “ghost” lead him to subject himself to the Green Goblin formula, which drives him completely insane. Harry and Peter fight one last time, and Harry has the upper hand. But the good man that Harry always was wins out, and he saves Peter from death before dying himself from the effects of an overdose of the Goblin formula.

The third and final villain in Spider-Man 3 is a character who entered the Spider-Man mythos later than the previous two, specifically, in the late 1980s. When Spider-Man rejected his alien costume, it appeared to be dead. In truth, it retreated into the church where Spider-Man defeated it and bonded with Eddie Brock. Brock was a one-time reporter who made his name by helping capture a vicious serial killer named The Sin-Eater. Unfortunately for Brock, Spider-Man captured the true killer, and Brock’s name and reputation were destroyed, along with his marriage. Unbeknownst to Peter, Brock was at the same church, praying for mercy and contemplating suicide. The alien costume sensed Brock’s strong emotions and overtook him. Together, Brock and the symbiote became a new villain who called himself Venom.

Not only did Venom have all of Spider-Man’s powers because of the alien’s time with Spider-Man, he also knew that Peter Parker and Spider-Man were one and the same.

Venom revealed himself by first visiting Mary Jane, who initially mistook Venom for Peter. Spider-Man and Venom would do battle many times over the years, and Venom became one of Spider-Man’s most popular and deadly villains, his appeal lying in the fact that he was a dark, twisted version of Spider-Man.

There you have it, folks, the scoop on the three baddies in Spider-Man 3. My next update will be my review of Spider-Man 3, followed by a new discovery I’ve made in another hobby beloved to me: the world of beer.

Ramblings Spider-Man 3 Coverage Begins: Spider-Man's Black Costume

Greetings, Regal Ramblings Readers!

Well, tomorrow’s the big day: the release of Spider-Man 3. The film’s actually already been in release for the last few days around the world and will be premiering in some places at midnight tonight. But tomorrow is the first full day of the film’s release, and most folks will be hitting theaters tomorrow to see the film.

As promised, I thought I’d give you non-comics readers a little background info on some of the elements of SM-3 that have been heavily promoted in the film’s marketing campaign. These three elements are Spider-Man’s “new” black costume and three villains, The Sandman, Green Goblin 2 (“New Goblin” according to the film’s advertising) and the mysterious Venom.

First up, let’s discuss Spidey’s “new” black costume.

While the black costume in the SM-3 is simply a black version of Spider-Man’s costume, it’s inspired by a black costume that Spider-Man originally acquired way back in 1984. During the course of a comic book mini-series entitled "Secret Wars," Spidey and most of the popular Marvel superheroes were transported to a distant planet by an alien being known only as The Beyonder, who wanted to the heroes to engage in combat with the army of supervillains who'd also been "beamed" to the planet. This led to the “Secret Wars,” so named because no one else but the heroes and villains knew that they were happening on this alien planet.

In the eighth issue of the twelve-issue limited series, Spidey’s costume was damaged in battle. He observed other heroes using an alien costume repair machine (I know, convenient) to repair their costumes, so he went up to an alien machine and placed his hand underneath it. A mysterious black ball fell into his hand and then overwhelmed him, removing the tattered remnants of his old costume and replacing them with a brand new, sleek black costume.

Spider-Man eventually returned to Earth with the other Marvel heroes. He quickly learned that the costume, which he assumed was merely advanced alien technology, had a great deal of special abilities: it responded to his mental commands by turning into civilian clothing and creating an opening for Peter’s mouth when he needed to eat. The costume even produced its own webbing, thus freeing Peter from having to rely on his webshooters. Eventually, Peter learns that the costume is in fact a living alien creature, a symbiote that wants to permanently bond with him. Peter discovers that intense sound negatively affects the creature, and heads to a church belltower, where the loud ringing of the massive bells weaken the creature but almost kill Peter. Unable to move on his own, Peter almost succumbs to the bells. But at the last minute, the creature moves Peter out of harm’s way, having learned about compassion from its time with Peter. The creature seemingly dies, and Spider-Man goes back to his old red and blue costume, sometimes alternating it with a cloth version of the alien costume.

The story of the alien didn’t end there, however. It would later resurface in the form of a new villain, whose history I’ll discuss in my next entry.

Until then, ramble on.

Ramblings Returns!

Welcome back, Ramblings Readers!


It's been six months since I last updated my original blog, "Ramblings," which all of you have read from time to time over the last two or three years. It's been a busy six months, between teaching, being in school, and spending time with Ali and Ava.

It should come as no surprise that what brings me back to Ramblings is what I created the blog for to begin with: coverage of new comic book and sci-fi films.

In particular, it's the long-awaited second sequel to the original Spider-Man film, Spider-Man 3, which opens next nationwide Friday, May 4th.

I've had some conversations over the last six months with a few folks about Ramblings, and the consensus seems to be that sometimes, these entries run long, especially when the movie being covered is a lengthy one.

That has indeed been the case, and while it's my blog after all, I don't want to overpower the readership.

Thus, my coverage of Spider-Man 3, which will be extensive and educational for those of you who know nothing about the film so far, will begin with this entry and span at least four more. The final entry will be my review of the film.

So let's begin. Spider-Man 3. Long have we comic fans waited for it's coming. Until director Sam Raimi made the first Spider-Man film, the only other truly accurate comic book films that managed to perfectly capture the heart of a character were the Richard Donner Superman films of the seventies and eighties. The Tim Burton Batman films managed to at least make The Batman dark again, if not giving us a faithful look at the character.

So when Spider-Man debuted back in 2002, it was a mega-event milestone for comic book films in a lot of ways, which I won't get into here. It was faithful to the character of Peter Parker/Spider-Man, and his unique status as the everyman superhero, a regular guy who struggles to make ends meet while also struggling to land a fist on the jaw of the latest supervillain.

2004's Spider-Man 2 took things to the next level and was an even better film than the first. The fights between Spidey and Doc Ock dropped a lot of jaws, and the story was well-written. Characters actually evolved and were clearly moving from where they'd started in the first film to a clear end point, which is of course, Spider-Man 3.

So to say I'm excited about this flick is like saying Rosie O'Donnell is excited about being obnoxious and inappropriate.

Last week, I purchased tickets to the film. Helping me show them to you are the stars of Spider-Man 3, Spider-Man in his original costume, and Spider-Man in his new black costume.


Not the best picture, I admit. Note that there are two tickets. This indeed means that my blushing bride will be accompanying me to see the first showing of Spider-Man 3 on Friday. There is a geek midnight showing, but I won't be attending that one. There will be a lot of parents taking their kids and letting them stay up late to watch the film and there will be a lot of geeks and freaks. Which I'm not opposed to, as I fall squarely in the middle of both categories. It's just that some of those people will be waiting for the midnight showing longer than even I would. The point is, it's going to "off the hizzy," as the kids say today. I get anxious enough as it is to deal with people more zealous than me. My Superman Returns experience taught me that lesson.

So instead of running the "geek gauntlet again," I've opted to go when there will be a less stressful crowd on opening day itself. I'll be getting to the theater at least two hours before the film as usual, and Ali will be coming to meet me about a half-hour before the film starts.

Alright, that's about all for now. A few folks who don't know a whole lot about Spider-Man from the comics have asked me a lot of questions about all the villains in the film, and why does Spider-Man have this new black costume? I'm going to address the black costume in an entry devoted to its origins in the comics, and then I'll offer another two entries on the villains of the piece. And yes, there are indeed three bad guys in the film.

It's good to be back! Thanks for reading and feel free to post any questions about the film in the comments section.

Chris

Top 10 Reasons You Should Go See Casino Royale

Hey kids.



It's been a while since I updated Ramblings, mainly 'cause I've been devoting my blogging time to Rambling's sister blog, The Trektastic Voyage. I was compelled to come back to Ramblings to give you a brief review of the newest James Bond adventure, "Casino Royale."



I usually give very detailed movie reviews, but I thought I'd go for a bullet-style approach here. Ali and I had a date last night and after a lovely dinner at the wonderful Antoni's, we went to The Grand to see "Casino Royale."

Here we go, from the home office in Youngsville, Louisiana...


10. "Casino Royale" is a "reboot" of the James Bond franchise. You don't need to know anything about the other twenty Bond films from the last forty years to enjoy this. It's a restart, like "Batman Begins" was for the Batman franchise.

9. Direction: the last three Brosnan Bond films were criticized for their use of "edgy" film techniques from modern successful blockbusters. This wore thin fast as it seemed too derivative. "Casino Royale" doesn't look like any other movie out today. It's tightly directed by Martin Campbell, and edited by veteran editor/director Stuart Baird, who worked magic on the first Superman film. This movie is fast-paced, exciting, and never tedious, thanks to the direction.

8. Cinematography and location shooting: the lenswork in this film is amazing, and brings to vibrant life the myriad global locations one expects from a James Bond film. The exotic locations appear as lush as they are in life, and the film jumps with color and style. And unlike a lot of action flicks today, you'll actually be able to tell what's happening and you won't get motion sickness, as the camera work is energetic but stable.

7. Action: "Casino Royale's" action is much more realistic than previous Bond films, though amazing stunts and set pieces are used to great effect. Think "Bourne Identity" instead of traditional James Bond action, which sometimes bordered on the superhuman.

6. Characterization: this is a film about characters, not just Bond walking around striking cool poses and dropping witty or cheesy one-liners. You will find you care about Bond's character, who is not yet the seasoned agent we knew from past films, and his love interest in the film. The writing is also focused on developing themes and plot points for the twenty-second Bond film, due out in 2008. But don't worry, this film doesn't have a cliffhanger ending. It just sets up the next film, and believe me, you'll want to see it after seeing "Casino Royale."

5. Dame Judi Dench: Dench played "M," the head of Bond's MI:6 in the Brosnan Bond films, but returns here despite the fact that this film is a reboot. Dench was brought back because she's a classically-trained actress who brings fire and humor to the role of M that no other actress likely could.

4. Score: I couldn't help but smile when I heard some of the cues in "Casino Royale." The score has that wonderful classic Bond sound many of us remember from the Connery Bond films, replete with classy brass and string work. But thankfully, the score doesn't overpower the film as is the case in a lot of contemporary films today. And while the classic Bond theme is used, it doesn't come into the film until it really matters and really shines. You'll see what I mean when you hear it.

3. Devotion to the original novels: Bond began life in a series of novels by Sir Ian Fleming, the first of which was "Casino Royale." Though a spoof version and a TV episode adaptation of "Casino Royale" was produced, this is the first official Bond film to adapt the novel. The film is faithful to the novel, avoiding the campier Bond seen in later Bond films as well as the gadgets and other sillier concepts. More on this in #1...

2. Bond girls: Can't leave the ladies out. Caterina Murino is the lovely Solange, a minor Bond girl role that is nonetheless important to the film. The major Bond girl here is the beautiful Eva Green, who you'll likely remember from her role in "Kingdom of Heaven." Green brings not only beauty but charm and depth of character to the role of Vesper Lynd, giving us a Bond girl who is far more than mere window dressing.

Eva Green as Vesper Lynd


And now, the #1 Reason to Go See "Casino Royale..."

...Daniel Craig as Agent 007, James Bond.



I admit I hated the idea of this guy when I saw the first teaser. The blue eyes, the blonde hair, the face that looks worn. I thought, "THIS is the new James Bond?!" But this man is amazing. Craig brings intensity, charm, and depth to a character that has long been seen as a one-note, invincible, and often campy hero. Craig's Bond is brutal, violent, and downright brutish, but also suave, sophisticated, and charming. I really think Craig is the best Bond since Connery, and might even surpass him, given the right writing in future films. And Craig's Bond is the Bond of the novels, who didn't rely on gadgets or toys but on his own two fists, his cunning, and of course, a good gun. And Craig delivers some classic lines that I don't dare spoil here, a few of which we expect to hear from James Bond. My favorite has to do with the preparation of a certain drink, and one of my others occurs when Vesper asks Bond if it doesn't really bother him when he kills. Ali loved the humor and edginess that Craig brought to Bond, and I agree that he's much more interesting now than in the last few films we've seen.

So go out and see "Casino Royale" as soon as you can! Chris

Robert Downey Jr. Cast as Marvel Hero Iron Man!

Marvel's press release on the casting:

Academy Award(R) Nominee Robert Downey Jr. will take on the role of one of Marvel's greatest Super Heroes, signing on as the title character for Marvel Studios' highly-anticipated IRON MAN. This project, the first feature film to be produced independently by Marvel Entertainment, will launch into theaters May 2, 2008. The film is being directed by Jon Favreau and will be distributed by Paramount Pictures.

Downey is widely recognized as one of Hollywood's most versatile actors. Nominated for an Oscar(R) for his extraordinary portrayal of Charlie Chaplin in Chaplin, Downey has been featured in more than 50 films. His upcoming credits include Fur (co-starring Nicole Kidman), A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, and the David Fincher film Zodiac. He has also recently been seen in such films as: A Scanner Darkly, The Shaggy Dog, Good Night, and Good Luck, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Gothika, The Singing Detective and Wonder Boys.

Based upon Marvel's iconic Super Hero, IRON MAN tells the story of Tony Stark, a billionaire industrialist and genius inventor who is kidnapped and forced to build a devastating weapon. Instead, using his intelligence and ingenuity, Tony builds a high-tech suit of armor and escapes captivity. Upon his return to America, Tony must come to terms with his past. When he uncovers a nefarious plot with global implications, he dons his powerful armor and vows to protect the world as Iron Man.

"Robert Downey Jr. is one of the most talented and acclaimed actors of this generation. His versatility sets him apart and makes him an ideal fit to play such a complex character as Iron Man. We could not think of another actor better suited to bring one of Marvel's crown jewels to the big screen and be the centerpiece of our first independently produced feature," said Kevin Feige, President of Production, Marvel Studios.

Marvel Studios is currently casting all supporting roles. Filming is slated to begin in Los Angeles in February 2007.

*********************************************************************

In my opinion, this is a strange yet also smart move on Marvel's part. John Favreau was an odd choice as director (he directed "Elf" and "Zathura"), but all indications from Favreau are that he respects and knows the source material and intends to be faithful to it.

So Downey Jr. could pan out. Tony Stark is a billionaire industrialist in the comics and is one of Marvel's "Trinity" along with Captain America and Thor. Stark builds a suit of armor to keep himself alive after shrapnel pierces his heart, and then turns the armor into a sophisticated weapons system which he uses to combat evil. In the 80s, Stark struggled with alcoholism, and Downey Jr.'s own substance abuse struggles might come into play in the character.

I used to read Iron Man religiously in high school and am cautiously optimistic about this film. Time will tell...

Chris

It's official: I'm going to my first comic book convention!

Greetings, Ramblers.

I haven't posted here in a while, as I've been working on Rambling's sister blog, The Trektastic Voyage, which got coverage in last week's Sunday Advertiser.

But I have an announcement I want to share with you, my loyal if often silent readership.

I'm going to my first comic book convention!

I've never been to a convention in all my years of loving comics. There were various reasons, none of them important. But now, I've realized I have the opportunity and the resources to go to a convention that won't require a plane trip to attend.

I'll be going to Wizard World Texas, held in Arlington, Texas from November 10th through November 12th. I reserved a room at a nearby hotel and now all that remains is to buy tickets for the convention. I'll be going up Friday and returning sometime Saturday evening.

Since I'm a convention virgin, I'll be bringing along my digital camera and camcorder. I'll post pics and videos for your viewing pleasure, and will chronicle the whole journey here on Ramblings. I'll also be doing a special edition of The Trektastic Voyage, which will of course go on despite the convention.

More to come as November draws nearer...

Chris

Ramblings Restaurant Review: New York Pizza and Deli

New York Pizza and Deli's owners coined a rather clever acronym for their little hole in the wall establishment in downtown Lafayette:

NYPD.

Covers all the letters in the title of the place, save that pesky but oh so necessary article.

So we have NYPD: New York Pizza and Deli.

Having visited the joint, I have a different set of words to plug into that same acronym that I think is a hell of a lot more accurate and avoids the same blatant false advertising:

NYPD: Need Your Patience, Dude.

Exclamation point(s) may be added at your discretion. Especially after you eat there.

I love pizza. Not a big surprise to those who know me. If you'd cut off certain cubes of the fat deposits around my body, you'd probably see they're actually cubes of stored pizza.

It takes a lot to ruin pizza. I've had some terrible pizza in my thirty years and some great, even downright beautiful pizza. The stuff of sonnents and frescoes and arias.

Here's the worst part about the pizza from Need Your Patience, Dude: it's neither terrible or great. And as Jesus put it in the "back of the Bible," like my kids say, we spit the lukewarm out of our mouths.

My bride and I went on a double-date with our friends, Roy and Mindi Petitfils. We got babysitters and were excited to have a night on the town. We decided on trying NYPD, because it was new and we'd all heard good reports.

HUGE mistake. The first thing that should have clued us in that NYPD was going to fail us was the fact that we were the only patrons at five thirty on a Saturday evening. Parlors like Alesi's, which is falling from grace itself, Deano's, Pizza Village, and La Pizzeria, are all seeing brisk business early in the evening on the weekend's longest night. Should have been a red alert for us, but still we stayed.

This guy comes out who could be a waiter there or a guy who works at Sbarro's in the mall and asks for our drink orders. I shoot back with "Whatever you've got of the beer-esque type drinks," and he laughs. LAUGHS. According to that acronym and the all the hype, this joint's a pizza parlor. Yet they have no beer.

I give him the look I give my students when they say they didn't know they had to do something they damn well know they have to do. He says, "Uh, I'm serious, you have to go to one of the bars because blah blee blue blah." I stopped after "You have to go" because I'm thinking, "I don't have to go anywhere. I came here because I wanted to be served. If I wanted to go get my own beer, I'd have stayed home and walked to the fridge in the garage.

So Roy and I do the gentleman's shuffle out the back door of the joint and head to the bar behind it. We get some beers in what may have been either a bar or a set from The Lord of the Rings that was transported to Lafayette and left intact. I half expected to see folks hanging from the walls from manacles. We get the beers, which begin their countdown to being room temperature the minute our hands touch them, and then head back to Need Your Patience, Dude.

Once there, we order the pizza and an appetizer. A whole pizza at NYPD is over twenty bucks because New York pizza is big. I get it, that's the whole schtick of the place, alright. But twenty-three bucks? Please. I could work wonders with that amount with homemade pizzas made from store-bought ingredients. Ali orders two pieces, I order a half, Roy orders a half, and Mindi orders two pieces.

We get the appetizers in advance, which is one good thing. They weren't bad or great, just middle of the road. A taste of things to come.

Then the pizza arrives. I'm the only dark cloud in the room, which now has two more patrons by six-fifteen. And yes, it's still Saturday. I pick up one of the large slices and...lose all of my toppings. Not some. Not a few. ALL. After the Frankensteinian task of rebuilding my pizza is done, I get that first taste. Surely this will redeem the place. Maybe you don't come for a few brews or the atmosphere. Maybe this is a place you come to just for the great...

...then I bite into the pizza. It's mediocre at best. See a pattern forming?

The crust is subpar, the toppings are undercooked, the cheese is so so, and the sauce is struggling to be something more than a can of Ragu with added oregano and tomato paste.

We finish quickly and all realize that we neither got our bang for our buck nor felt the excitement that can come from trying a new place. We thought about going to that wonderful mainstay of Lafayette pizza, Deano's, but didn't.

We probably should have. And so should you. Go anywhere else, in fact. Even the chains like the Hut and Dommie's and Papa J's. At least you'll get what you pay for and you don't have to go to a place so filled with potential (great location, great building) but so off the mark when living up to that potential.

And you'd get your pizza much faster ordering it from the chains, even on a busy Saturday night. We waited almost thirty minutes. That's long even for a busy place like Coyote Blues on a Saturday night. This place had four customers.

There's just no excuse. And that's why from service to selection to affordability to quality, you'll Need Your Patience, Dude.

Cap